I don’t really want kids. It’s not that I don’t like kids (though, that is one excuse I make). I just feel that all people should not be parents, and I’m not sure that I’m a person that could or should be a parent.
People always look so shocked when I say I don’t want children, like its an afront to humanity or themselves even. Older people (often parents themselves), shake their heads and tell me to, “wait and see”, that I’ll change my mind. But, I don’t know that I will. I mean, if I do that’s fine too, but I can’t see it.
You see, the thing is, I’ve experienced the nitty-gritty of kids already. My dad remarried when I was a teenager, and had a baby. When I was on holidays, I would look after a 6 month old baby. I was puked on, I changed nappies, and played with her until she fell asleep. And when I was 16, I actually liked it. I was broody, back then. I would have sprouted a few sprogs given half the chance (oh you know, and a boyfriend).
But since then, I’ve grown wiser, and a touch more cynical. I’ve realised that there are other things besides parenting that my life might be for. I got a puppy just before I got married. That was a mission. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dog (she’s three now), I love having her around, but she is a huge responsibility. And she’s only a dog. It stresses me out to think that a child is exponentially worse.
My husband and I talk about it. The six-year age gap between us means that he gets to these decisions before I do, sometimes. I mean, we got engaged when he was 30, and I was 23. If he wanted kids, I was open to changing my mind. But the more we talk about it, the more we realise that we have so many things we want to do with our lives. So many places to see, so many things to do. And neither of us can imagine attempting that with a couple of sprogs in tow.
I hope I don’t wake up when I’m 45, regretting this decision. I’m 28 now (as of yesterday), which gives me a few years grace to change my mind still. But I can’t see that happening. A lovely friend of mine just had her first pregnancy confirmed, and I know how excited she is. I know that this is something she has wanted, yearned for, dreamed of. I know, too, that those are not things I yearn for. Not yet, at least..