the no-kids thing

oh-the-placesI don’t really want kids. It’s not that I don’t like kids (though, that is one excuse I make). I just feel that all people should not be parents, and I’m not sure that I’m a person that could or should be a parent.

People always look so shocked when I say I don’t want children, like its an afront to humanity or themselves even. Older people (often parents themselves), shake their heads and tell me to, “wait and see”, that I’ll change my mind. But, I don’t know that I will. I mean, if I do that’s fine too, but I can’t see it.

You see, the thing is, I’ve experienced the nitty-gritty of kids already. My dad remarried when I was a teenager, and had a baby. When I was on holidays, I would look after a 6 month old baby. I was puked on, I changed nappies, and played with her until she fell asleep. And when I was 16, I actually liked it. I was broody, back then. I would have sprouted a few sprogs given half the chance (oh you know, and a boyfriend).

But since then, I’ve grown wiser, and a touch more cynical. I’ve realised that there are other things besides parenting that my life might be for. I got a puppy just before I got married. That was a mission. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dog (she’s three now), I love having her around, but she is a huge responsibility. And she’s only a dog. It stresses me out to think that a child is exponentially worse.

My husband and I talk about it. The six-year age gap between us means that he gets to these decisions before I do, sometimes. I mean, we got engaged when he was 30, and I was 23. If he wanted kids, I was open to changing my mind. But the more we talk about it, the more we realise that we have so many things we want to do with our lives. So many places to see, so many things to do. And neither of us can imagine attempting that with a couple of sprogs in tow.

I hope I don’t wake up when I’m 45, regretting this decision. I’m 28 now (as of yesterday), which gives me a few years grace to change my mind still. But I can’t see that happening. A lovely friend of mine just had her first pregnancy confirmed, and I know how excited she is. I know that this is something she has wanted, yearned for, dreamed of. I know, too, that those are not things I yearn for. Not yet, at least..

Images are borrowed from here and here on flickr.com (creative commons).

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the life-competition

It’s coming up to that time of my life, that time when the 10 year school reunions are happening. Since I’ve been to, nine schools across three continents, I’ve got more than one invitation to these reunions. So what’s the issue, I hear you say? Well, I wasn’t exactly what you could term a ‘cool’ teenager (hell, I’m still not cool, I’m just more used to it now). I still have a few friends scattered across the world, one or two from each school I went to, quite often none if I was unhappy there.

Why is this a big deal? Well, with Facebook, I already know who has gotten married, who’s had kids, and who’s unemployed and living in their mothers house. I’m still in contact with the people I still care about, and those I don’t speak to? There’s a reason people fall out of your life.

One of these reunions is in Dubai. Yeah. That’s awkward. The other is only a few kilometers from my house. Am I going? No. I was never that girl, that joiner, that one who missed high school. I was awkward in high school, and those girls who never spoke to me cut me to the quick. And no, I don’t want to go and play the ‘who-has-a-better-life-now’ game. That really doesn’t sound like fun. Instead, I will gather with my friends, the people I’ve cared for during the last ten years. I will help my sick friend to plan her wedding, and I’ll support my newlywed friend who has to live apart from her husband. I’ll focus my time on the amazing friends I have made since I left high school. The people who make my life better every day. What I won’t do is waste precious time and energy on people who have never cared about me, and who I have never cared about. After all, we weren’t friends 10 years ago, why on earth would we be now?

How about you? Did you go to your reunion? Do you have one you’re going to? Or maybe you’re the planner? Does it make a difference if you were at a school for more than two years?

*Sorry for the crappy quality photos, but those are a few screenshots of wedding photos.