things fall apart and time is not my friend

meet-alex

So, I’ve got a couple of posts sitting in drafts – one, the story of how my little boy came into the world, and another emotional one from about 2 weeks in. Both unfinished because have you ever met a baby? Tiniest most time consuming thing I have ever come across.

I have many things to say and not very much time to say it. I’ll have to go with bullets for now, and hope that in the future things ease up enough to get some time to write it all out. Here’s the short form, for now:

  • Babies are time consuming. Before you’ve even woken up properly, it’s 1pm and you’re still in your pyjamas having just put the baby down for his second (or was it third? Who knows anymore) nap for the day. It’s insane how little you can get done when caring for a baby.
  • This mothering gig is EMOTIONAL. I cried pretty solidly for about 3 weeks, went on some fairly serious anti-depressants (not for the sads, but for milk production – that’s another story) and I still cry a couple of times a week. I DO NOT CRY. This is weird for me.
  • There is no spontaneous. Any outing has to be planned, prepped and thought through. There is a small window of opportunity when you can get the kid into the car without screaming, get where you need to go and get home before a meltdown hits. Mine is not a child who takes naturally to being outside the house, even though we’ve been taking him out since day one. He prefers to be at home (but I go crazy if I have to spend 4 days at home, so there’s that).
  • I have become an evening showerer. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a morning shower person. It makes me feel ready and fresh for the day. Now, I shower when I can, and that’s usually in the evening because my paranoia will not allow me to be somewhere where I am unable to come if he’s in trouble/cries while I’m alone. It’s tough – any advice on that? Hoping I grow out of that at some point.
  • Online shopping is my friend. Anything with an app or that I can do easily online is the only thing I can really manage these days. My phone is my constant companion, and being able to get things done while entertaining the baby or in between entertaining the baby is invaluable.
  • Entertaining a baby is weird. He likes to stare at the light coming in the window and coo, he likes to push his dummy out and act like it’s the worst thing ever until I can retrieve it and put it back in. I try to sing to him, but I feel a bit silly. I play him music, and put him under his baby gym, but I don’t know if any of it actually sinks in. What am I meant to do with the kid?!
  • People said it would get easier. We’re nearing 6 weeks, and In some ways, it has gotten easier, but more because I have settled into being at home, into not working, and into trying to find the value of my days in caring for this tiny person. I’m fighting it less, which helps. I’m also learning the difference between his cries – there’s the snorty-fists-in-mouth-panicky cry for hunger, there’s the sharp toned wail of gas, and the despairing sobbing of the overtired. I’m starting to learn the signs that he’s tired and will sleep easily, which makes putting him down a lot simpler. I don’t always get it right and sometimes spend ages trying to get a wide awake baby to sleep (frustrating for both of us), but I guess we’ll get there).

There’s more, but I think that’s all I have time for. The baby monitor says he’s going to surface soon, and I need to make him a bottle.

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